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jkb358
I am a human being, thinking thoughts, feeling emotions, creating experiences, learning my true nature, expanding my awareness, awakening to the mystery, manifesting a wild, grand adventure called life. I AM THE MYSTERY I AM a Caterpillar, becoming butterfly, beauty in the sky I AM a Bird, high in the air, so fully aware I AM a Tree, standing proud and tall, giving shade to all I AM the Dark, the eternal gloom, like in the womb I AM the light, come to me, you’ll be free I AM the Shadow, child of dark and light, sick of the constant fight I AM One, with time and space, so full of grace I AM the Wayshower, sharing the love and light, shining so very bright I AM the Mystery, come on discover me I AM the Mystery, come on unravel me I AM the Mystery, come on dance with me I AM the Mystery, come on be free with me I AM the Fire, dancing majestically, sharing warmth with the I AM the Water, flowing on, weak and strong I AM the Wind, whispering gently, shouting strongly I AM the Earth, plant your seeds, and pick the weeds I AM a Star, hidden in the day, far and away I AM the Moon, seen in the night, full and bright I AM the Sun, shining bright, divine might I AM the Way, let’s go hand in hand, to the promised land I AM the Mystery, come on discover me I AM the Mystery, come on unravel me I AM the Mystery, come on dance with me I AM the Mystery, come on be free with me Gift to the Goddess The boy walked through a path in the forest next to his farm. He dragged his feet because he was sad. There had been little rain in the summer, and the harvests hadn’t been good. His parents were angry. They talked of a lack of food for the winter, lack of money. He heard them whisper about losing the farm. This made the little boy scared. He was afraid to lose his home. He was afraid of going hungry. He was afraid of not getting any presents for his birthday. The birds sang in the trees above him. The golden, red, leaves crunched under his feet. Up ahead he heard more crunching of leaves and giggling. His curiosity got the best of him and he made his way quickly to the sound laughter. Ahead he found a girl skipping around a tree. She saw him and waved. “Hello, I don’t remember seeing you in the village.” She said. “I live on a farm,” The boy explained. “Though I don’t know for how much longer.” “This has been a hard year for everyone in the village. It’s such a sad place right now, I had to get away. Do you want to play with me?” the girl asked. The boy thought about it and nodded. So they began to play and skip and laugh. The boy wasn’t so sad anymore. “Oh I almost forgot,” the girl said suddenly. “I was going to the old well at the end of the trail to make a wish. Would you like to come?” “Sure” answered the boy. “Great.” The little girl said as she starting skipping down the trail. The boy followed. Soon enough they came upon the old well. The girl walked up, but the boy stood back. “Are you going to make a wish too?” asked the girl The boy shook his head. “I don’t have any money.” “That’s okay. I have a penny for you.” The little boy walked over and took the penny. “Now make a wish and throw your penny in the well!” the girl said, as she threw hers in. The boy hesitated. He saw there were a few bees flying around the well. “What’s the matter?” “I don’t like bees.” “Why?” the little girl asked. “I love the honey they make! There is nothing to be afraid of.” The boy edges closer and threw his penny in, and quickly back away. The little girl laughed. “What did you wish for?” she asked. “I asked for wealth, so I can have all the things I want and feel safe.” answered the little boy. “What did you wish for?” “I asked for abundance for all. So the whole village would have food and everything they need for the winter.” replied the little girl. The little boy wondered why she asked for so much. He figured wishes that big couldn’t come true. “Let’s race back!” the little girl said as she ran back into the woods. “Hey!” the little boy shouted as he ran after her. They ran and played and had a great time in the woods. The boy felt happy. “Hey, I think we went the wrong way.” the little girl said. The little boy looked around. He felt guilty for not staying on the trail like his parents told him too. He was beginning to feel scared when he heard a moo, and then more moos. “I hear cows! Follow me, there is a farm this way!” the little boy said. The little girl followed. They ran through the leaves, kicking and laughing when little boy tripped and fell with an “oof!. He rolled over and stood up. He saw a flash of light in the leaves. He bent down and his heart jumped. “What is it?” the little girl asked. The boy turned to the girl with a look of awe on his face. “Is this…” he giggled. “Is this a….diamond?” He held it up with both hands. It was the size of the potatoes his parents grew. The little girl screamed “Yes, that’s a diamond! Wow your wish came true already! I’m so happy for you.” The little girl gave the boy a hug. The little boy screamed in joy “Woohoo!!” and started spinning around. He could hardly believe his luck. There was no need to worry anymore. He noticed the little girl was watching him with a big smile on her face. She seemed as excited as he did. He wondered why, since her wish hadn’t come true. Suddenly the boy felt something flow through him. He didn’t understand what it was, but it felt good. He thought it felt like love, but this was unlike any love he had ever felt before. He felt so alive, and he then knew what he had to do. He slowly walked over to the little girl, and held out the diamond. “Here, I want you to have this.” “What? Why?” the girl asked “You will make better use of it than I will. Your wish was a great wish, and I want your wish to come true.” The boy explained. “You are my HERO!” the girl squealed as she gave the boy a big hug. “You are my hero.” The boy whispered.. And he knew everything was going to be okay. My Awakening Life For most of my life I have been living in the darkness. Fear ruled my world. There was a lot of negativity. I listened to my ego and became convinced I wasn’t good enough. There was a lack of love within me, and for me. I felt helpless and ashamed of that, not being in control of my life. I was full of doubt and insecurity. I was angry, envious and self-destructive. I spent a long time digging my own grave. I was judgmental, critical and I was my own worst enemy. I felt trapped in a nightmare, unaware that it was of my own creation. For a long time I’ve been drawn to the light. I’ve been trying to becoming spiritually aware. I saw glimmers of hope, of centeredness. I had times of positivity and joy. But every time I got close to the light, every time I thought things were going good, something would happen that make me scared or angry or feel unworthy and I would flee back to the familiar embrace of the darkness. I had no idea I was creating my nightmare. For years I blamed others for all the bad things in my life. Then I learned I create my reality, and at the time all I got out that was to put the blame on me. I made such a mess of things and I deserved it all. I began creating a worse nightmare, and I continued to create it. I wanted a better life but now I was angry and judging myself on a whole new level. I was warring with myself and not even realizing it. I was listening to all the negativity, over and over, not aware that I could change things. I was so unaware of things, trapped in my own little box, running on auto pilot into insanity. I continued gathering spiritual knowledge but not doing anything with it. Not putting the effort in. I read book after book, article after article but not really learning anything— I was looking for the quick fix, the answer to everything, and even if I found it I doubt I would have believed it anyway. I wasn’t ready. Through all the struggle part of me still sought the light, part of me awakening ever so slowly. One day last past winter the darkness began giving way and I got closer to the light that I have ever been finding a ring of gold, and it drew me in. At first I was afraid of the Gold Ring, afraid of opening up, expressing myself. There was no way I could share my inner darkness, my pains, and let alone my story. I’ve always been a shy, quiet person. I felt flawed, unworthy and I spent years pushing people way, hiding deeper in my shell that had become a prison. I stayed back and I listened and I learned. Time passed, and with the help of my mentor Dixie, and the whole community, I was gently guided into the light. Over this past year I’ve come along way. Having been listening to the Gold Ring Blog Talk radio shows; participating in the chat rooms, making friends, slowly opening up to all the love and light and wisdom that is the Gold Ring. For awhile now, I’ve seen signs, messages in everything, guidance everywhere. Seeing things I was oblivious to before, but were always right under my nose. I am aware of my intuition now. One day during this summer I was watching the movie Hook; the Peter Pan movie with Robin Williams. He was an older Peter Pan who didn’t even believe he was Peter Pan. Seeing him use his imagination, creating, awakening his inner child really touched me. And over the next couple days, I started getting signs, messages about the inner child. I found myself guided to do some soul searching. I knew something big was coming, a transition. And it came faster than I ever thought possible. I came to realize I daydreamed and fantasized a lot about being a hero, a leader, a protector, a guardian, even as I hide myself and believed none of that was possible. I came realize that these dreams and fantasies were my inner desires, what I wanted to be doing, but I was too afraid of. I’ve had issues with self love, feeling worthy or capable of doing anything with my life. I spent a long time thinking I was powerless, but was now awakening to the fact that what I feared the most was what I desired the most. During a conversation with my mentor, Dixie, in which I was being hard on myself, not being able to believe in myself, I was asked to step up. To figure out what was holding me back she really helped me by asking questions and having me find my own answers. I ask myself for the answers. I was asked to look at how far I came. I looked back and saw that this past year I’ve become more open, positive, and happy. My thoughts, perception and attitude are better. I’m not getting caught up in fear, doubt, and self-pity as much or for as long. It dawned on me I should be proud of myself. I needed that appreciation, validation, and love from myself. Until then I didn’t even know how to properly love myself. I am still working with that now. But then, while I was in that self-love, I started laughing, and it felt good, cleansing. I realized my inner child was coming out and it brought me to tears. In shedding those tears I came to realize that I always felt bad about crying, and I made myself feel worse. But this TIME was different. The love was there. I was there for myself! I never felt so emotional. I felt a release, I felt lighter. I was laughing and crying at the same time. The laughter kept the darkness, the sadness, and fear away. My inner child became my protector with his laughter. I knew I went through the transition I knew was coming. It was great. And then I did something I thought I never do, I phoned into the Gold Ring Blog Talk Radio show and shared my inner child awakening story. That was something I never thought I’d do, but an inner voice told me to. I went through something that sounds like a fairy tale. I thought I was free and out of my shell. Since then I’ve realized that this takes effort and determination. Change isn’t easy for me. It’s something I’ve avoided. And I still have problems with expressing myself, opening up, but this is all I process and you can’t rush it. Things have to feel right. During the fall I had another nice awakening. For a long time I felt the need to go inside, to deal with my issues but I spent a long time resisting. But as I final went about it, I was still resisting, and my ego took over. I went to a dark place. I was afraid of looking within, I was afraid of my power. In the past, when I was a younger, I was selfish person. I was a liar, cheater, stealer, and manipulator. I saw that nice guys finished last, and didn’t want that. Bad guys were cool. I went about being a bad guy, but in the end it just made me feel worse. Eventually I realized what I was doing, misusing my power-abusing it. I felt I was a monster, and I gave up my power. I hide the monster deep within. In facing this; realizing part of me seen me as a monster, that I was scared of my power, of abusing it again, I defeated the monster, for it was an illusion. I saw power as evil, a monster. I was looking at my past abuse of it. I saw myself as villain, judge and executioner. I’m in a different place now. Going through this, I forgave myself for my past mistakes. I’ve learned this is something I have to do right away when I make a mistake or judge myself. Forgive myself right away, so another monster doesn’t grow in the darkness. Sometimes I do still think there is a monster lurking within. Sometimes I still fall back into old patterns, and make myself feel bad. That tells me I still have issues to work through. I can be responsible with my power now. I guess I saw my past as a failure. My past was not a failure, but a blessing in disguise. Everything has its reason. There is perfection in the imperfection. All things can be overcome. I’ve also learned that awakening is a journey not a destination No matter how many times I make mistakes, slip up, feel bad, or fall down; I can always get back up. I can awaken to greater things. Right now I am learning to embrace my shadow. To not only accept my past and the reasons for it all, but to love the whole of me, my entire existence. All my faults and flaws are just as loveable as my strengths. The so called monster within needs love like the inner child and every other part of me, past, present and future. I AM love incarnate. We all are. There is nothing that can’t be overcome. In sharing my fears, my faults, my story, I’ve connected with so many beautiful people. I was guided to the love and light, and can show the way now. In sharing this I hope to reclaim more of my power and find my voice growing stronger. Thank you.
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Love thy enemy for the One can have no enemies If someone hates you, rise above and love We are all One. Forgive all Rise above anger, jealousy, and judgment. We are all One. Love all Rise above criticism, deceit, and betrayal We are all one. Forgive all Rise above fear, shame, and guilt We are all one. Love all If you want forgiveness, forgive all Love, to be loved Let go and be free
Latest page update: Feb 5 2010, 1:41 PM EST
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