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LIGHTEN UP
Keep shining your light anyway!
Have you heard of the cow who attained liberation (Moksha)?
It was dyslexic and kept on repeating OOOOMMM !
| Jon Stewart | Stephen Colbert |
| I want my Bail Out Money !!! by the Health Ranger | |
 | Dolphins play with Bubble Rings |
 What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor? "Make me one with everything." Part 2 When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?" The proprietor - "Change must come from within. | Puppies! |
 | Benefits of laughter (J.Cleese presents laughter yoga) |
 | Been there done that! Several lifetimes! Now, recovering :) |
 | Dave Allen on religion |
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The Art or the Egg - Funny Animation/Sketch Comedy
By : happyfatties
http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=happyfatties
By : happyfatties
http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=happyfatties
Two men meet on the street.
One asks the other: "Hi, how are you?"
The other one replies: "I'm fine, thanks."
"And how's your son? Is he still unemployed?"
"Yes, he is. But he is meditating now."
"Meditating? What's that?"
"I don't know. But it's better than sitting around and do nothing!"
When two psychic friends met, one said:
One asks the other: "Hi, how are you?"
The other one replies: "I'm fine, thanks."
"And how's your son? Is he still unemployed?"
"Yes, he is. But he is meditating now."
"Meditating? What's that?"
"I don't know. But it's better than sitting around and do nothing!"
When two psychic friends met, one said:
"You are fine. How am I ?"
*
Four monks were meditating in a monastery.
All of a sudden the prayer flag on the roof started flapping.
The younger monk came out of his meditation and said:
"Flag is flapping"
A more experienced monk said: "Wind is flapping"
A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years said:
"Mind is flapping."
The fourth monk who was the eldest said, visibly annoyed:
"Mouths are flapping!"
*
Four monks were meditating in a monastery.
All of a sudden the prayer flag on the roof started flapping.
The younger monk came out of his meditation and said:
"Flag is flapping"
A more experienced monk said: "Wind is flapping"
A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years said:
"Mind is flapping."
The fourth monk who was the eldest said, visibly annoyed:
"Mouths are flapping!"
*
*
"I think it would be a good idea."
Mahatma Gandhi when asked what he thought of Western civilization.
*
*
This guy was climbing a tree when suddenly he slipped,
then grabbed at a branch and was hanging there.
After an hour or so had passed he felt himself getting exhausted and
looked up to the heavens and cried out:
"God, help me, please, help me."
All of a sudden the clouds parted and a voice boomed out from on high.
"Let Go!" said the voice.
The guy paused and looked up at heaven once more,
then said: "Is there anyone else up there?"
*
*
"I think it would be a good idea."
Mahatma Gandhi when asked what he thought of Western civilization.
*
*
This guy was climbing a tree when suddenly he slipped,
then grabbed at a branch and was hanging there.
After an hour or so had passed he felt himself getting exhausted and
looked up to the heavens and cried out:
"God, help me, please, help me."
All of a sudden the clouds parted and a voice boomed out from on high.
"Let Go!" said the voice.
The guy paused and looked up at heaven once more,
then said: "Is there anyone else up there?"
*
*
It is a tradition in the US for people to make statements through
stickers they stick on their car bumpers.
Here are a few funny bumper stickers.
*
"Procrastinate now"
*
"My Karma ran over my Dogma!!"
*
"Never drive faster than your angel can fly!!"
*
"I'd rather be in Samadhi"
*
"Out of body. Will be back in 15 minutes!"
*
"Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!"
*
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
*
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
*
"Vegetarians visualize whirled peas"
*
"My Dogma isn't Housebroken"
*
*
A priest and bus driver lived together and one day they also together died.
They go to St. Peter standing before Heaven's Gate.
He allows the bus driver to go to
one of the highest heavens but the priest has to wait.
He waits for long time and finally goes to St. Peter and asks:
"Why could that bus driver go to the highest heaven and I,
who all my life spoke about God,
have to wait for such a long time?"
St. Peter said:
"When you were speaking to the people at your church everybody was sleeping,
but when that bus driver was driving everybody prayed!"
*
*
Steven Wright, is the comedian who once said:
"I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen
... and replaced by exact duplicates."
*
Here are some more of his gems:
*
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
*
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
*
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
*
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
*
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
*
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
*
I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
*
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
*
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
*
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
*
*
((((((((( I don't know how Spiritual this is,
but it sure made me laugh!))))))))))))))
but it sure made me laugh!))))))))))))))
*
25 Things to Do in an Elevator
*
*
When there's only one other person in the elevator,
tap him on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
*
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.
*
Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
*
Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
*
Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend.
After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?
*
Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream,
"That's mine!"
*
Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
*
Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
ask if he has an appointment.
*
Lay down the Twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
*
Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on,
ask him if he can hear ticking.
*
Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.
*
Ask, "Did you feel that?"
*
Stand really close to someone, sniffing him occasionally.
*
When the doors close, announce to the others,
"It'sokay, don't panic, they open again!"
*
Swat at flies that don't exist.
*
Tell people that you can see their aura.
*
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering,
"Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
Crack open your briefcase or purse
and while peering inside,
ask,
"Got enough air in there?"
*
Stand silently and motionless in the corner,
facing the wall, without getting off.
*
Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror,
"You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
*
Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
*
Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
*
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
*
Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce,
"I have new socks on."
*
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers,
"This is MY personal space!"
tap him on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
*
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.
*
Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
*
Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
*
Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend.
After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?
*
Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream,
"That's mine!"
*
Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
*
Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
ask if he has an appointment.
*
Lay down the Twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
*
Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on,
ask him if he can hear ticking.
*
Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.
*
Ask, "Did you feel that?"
*
Stand really close to someone, sniffing him occasionally.
*
When the doors close, announce to the others,
"It'sokay, don't panic, they open again!"
*
Swat at flies that don't exist.
*
Tell people that you can see their aura.
*
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering,
"Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
Crack open your briefcase or purse
and while peering inside,
ask,
"Got enough air in there?"
*
Stand silently and motionless in the corner,
facing the wall, without getting off.
*
Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror,
"You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
*
Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
*
Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
*
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
*
Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce,
"I have new socks on."
*
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers,
"This is MY personal space!"
*
Dear God,
So far today I have done all right. I have kept my mouth shut. I have not gossiped, yelled or lost my temper. I have not been greedy,grumpy, nasty, selfish or over-indulgent. I am glad about that. In a few minutes though I am probably going to need a lot of help, because I am getting out of bed.
~*~
Dear God,
So far today I have done all right. I have kept my mouth shut. I have not gossiped, yelled or lost my temper. I have not been greedy,grumpy, nasty, selfish or over-indulgent. I am glad about that. In a few minutes though I am probably going to need a lot of help, because I am getting out of bed.
*
~*~
~*~
~*~
BANNED FROM WALMART
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her
trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring
and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women-
-she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter
from her local Wal-Mart
*
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
*
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
*
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
*
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "
Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."
*
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
*
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
*
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers
he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
*
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
*
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror
while he picked his nose.
*
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
*
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the " Mission Impossible" theme.
*
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look"
by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
*
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
he assumed a fetal position and screamed
"OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least
*
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
*
Regards,
Walmart
~*~
~*~
And Now..............
For something completely different .....
Fancy a Witch burning???
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her
trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring
and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women-
-she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter
from her local Wal-Mart
*
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
*
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
*
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
*
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "
Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."
*
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
*
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
*
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers
he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
*
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
*
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror
while he picked his nose.
*
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
*
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the " Mission Impossible" theme.
*
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look"
by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
*
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
he assumed a fetal position and screamed
"OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least
*
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
*
Regards,
Walmart
~*~
~*~
And Now..............
For something completely different .....
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghi t pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.
~*~
~*~
~*~
| the news to give you the views of the blues you choose to loose. From the Goldring News brain of Gabbymillgate the Dalai lama has been hospitalised in Bangladesh after a night on the town finished with a kabab at 2AM. His holiness now regrets requesting to be made one with everything. A two headed bay has been born in india. Xafodd beeblebrox denies he fathered the child Scientologist have been banned from recruiting inside a British shopping centre after complaints about them offering 'stress tests' to children. A spokes alien for the religion denied scientology was recruiting members for Tom Cruise to be taller than. from Lafferz.com TECHNOLOGY WWW for Twits - Twitter was, perhaps, inevitable. It's a Web 2.0 service that allows users to let their social network know exactly what they're doing (or feeling or thinking or eating) at every minute of every day. " It has made goventment microchipping obsolete. We were astonished to find that most citizens are quite happy to let us know where they are and what they are thinking." HONG KONG, China (AP) -- Microsoft Corp. Chairman Bill Gates said Tuesday that the dramatic growth of the Internet would eventually help eliminate "the last constraints we have" and spark a software-writing revolution. " You need to understand the abstract mathematical beauty of Vista with an understanding of the techonology to come to really be aware of its perfection - We are currently only constrained by its apparent inneffectiveness and are looking forward to having some new thinkers on the job." NATIONAL - Absent mindedness causes more motor vehicle crashes than speeding, fatigue and drink-driving put together, new research shows. Researchers will reveal the findings as soon as they remember where they put the report. USA - Texas district will let teachers carry guns - "Now lets see them forget their homework." USA - U.S. military says: Iran training kill squads - Bush denies allegations that US troops are trained to kill. UK - BULLETPROOF bras should be made available to all female British police officers, a leading police figure said. - "That will also stop the problem of embarrassing nippple hardening in the cold weather, which has been an onfoinf distraction from our regular police work." The Australian Navy is also considering issuing the undergarments saying: " We;; we paid for most of those ****, damned if we want them shot off." VICTORIA - Chug -a - lug! Before posting the latest photos of yourself chugging down beers or cutting up the dance floor on Facebook or MySpace, think again - your next employer could be watching. In accordance with workplace tradition we would like employees to limit this behaviour to the annual Christmas Party. Australia's NORTHERN TERRITORY - One of the world's deadliest snakes caused mayhem after it was found warming itself under a popcorn machine in a Northern Territory cinema - less than a metre from teenage staff. Dull eyed Teenage staff commented: "We think it came from the plane."     You can put this on your website or blog to show your support of the Gold Ring Wiki  copy and paste the code below
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domenica_amore |
Latest page update: made by domenica_amore
, Nov 1 2009, 4:49 PM EST
(about this update
About This Update
I hope I'm not in trouble??? eeeeeeek!
- domenica_amore
6 words added 1 word deleted 1 image added 18 widgets deleted view changes - complete history) |
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